A note because I remember

Bentar lagi - kalo doi ga berhalangan - gua bakal ketemu lagi tuh sama first love gua.. dan note ini dibuat karena kayanya akhir - akhir ini banyak puisi yang melintas aja di benak gua dan ga ada penyalurnya.... Okay...

Dia itu obsesi gua.. Menjadi obsesi selama bertahun - tahun.. menjadi sumber inspirasi gua dalam berkarya, berpuisi, bahkan sempat ada di semua kisah didalam novel yang gua buat sepanjang SMA. Yes, he is my first love... 

Kalau diibaratin, dia tuh kaya apa yah... Hmm... kaya gerhana kali yah... Ha..Ha..Ha.. Dia bikin orang lain tampak ga bercahaya, dia bikin dunia gw jadi gelap...

Gimana yah, setiap inget dia rasanya gw langsung jadi puitis.. jadi mellow.... and I know I can't and shouldn't be like this.. He's a married guy right now... but he actually my first love...

Gua inget ketika dia patah hati dia pernah nulis begini,

"Kata mama, jangan kasih hati kamu ke seseorang, karena jika dia ninggalin kamu, kamu ga punya apa2 lagi, bukankah manusia yang paling menyedihkan adalah manusia yang ga punya hati?"

Tapi gimana yah.. my heart left me when we first met. Hati gw udah lama pergi ketika gw kenal dia, ketika liat senyuman dia, dan it takes time.... a really long time... a really HARD times to forget about him.... even when he actually didn't know about me at all.....

Mencintai dia tuh kayak naek bianglala di malam hari, you can see the world became more beautiful than you usually see, you see that the light sparks everywhere, it makes you up so high for a moment and then you realize that you will actually go down... down... and down.. and realize that you actually had touch the bottom and the world look like what you always look and you are alone and you miss all the light the beautiful things but you always know that it ends here.. down in the bottom.....alone.

Desperate banget yah haha.. yah tapi itulah alesan kenapa dia jadi gerhananya gw... I know I must forget him, no matter how hard it takes.. he never be my something and never will.. so it is the end.. begitu gw published note ini, gw harus sudah move se move-on2nya,,  hoho.. dan ini adalah puisi terakhir untuk si dia :

My last Song

You said, don't give all your heart for someone,

you said, if he left me I don't have anything anymore

and isn't it pathetic if someone doesn't had a heart?

then how if my heart is already go with you in the very first day? 

Loving you is like riding a Ferris wheel in the night

Made me see the world much beautiful then before

but I really know that this Ferris wheel will go down 

and I will be back alone, and world became as usual again.

I write this song for you from the deepest parts of my heart

for a man who became eclips in all my life

for a man who made me can not see another man in my life

this song I wrote for a love that will never came to my life.

I love you but now my heart must go on.....